10 Things You Don't Say To A Boy Mom

There always has to be those people that stop you in the grocery store to small talk... More often than not it comes when your kids are on your last nerve and behaving awful or your getting ready to check off that last item on your list and you just want out!

Yes it usually comes from the sweet old lady or old man that are just curious. Sometimes tho, it's just not the right time. Brush it off or be annoyed for 15 seconds over it.

Here's 11 things that would be great if you could avoid asking!!!

 

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1. Are They All Yours?

No sweetheart! I picked a couple from the road and the other one was just walking around outside the store! Gah! Yes they are ALL mine! I don't leave home often without them ALL!!

2. Mormon Right?

If you have more than 2 kids does that seriously make me Mormon? Ok I am a Mormon. But does 4 kids really, seriously mean you need to ask that? I could just really like kids!

3. You know what causes that, right?

Yes as a matter of fact I am an adult, just like you! I went to health class, I had the sex talk! You were made the exact same way, can I joke about it to you as well creepy old man! (Why is it always the creepy old guys?)

4. Wow! You've got your hands full?

Really? That's what you choose to say to me as my 2 year old is screaming because he had to get buckled in the cart, my 4 year old is hanging onto my leg thinking I'm gonna drag him around on my foot & my 6 year old is throwing in everything he can when I look away! Seriously, I'm just gonna nicely smile and walk away before I punch you in the face! 

 

5. Were you trying for a girl?

As a matter of fact as I was doing my thing with my husband I was thinking to myself, I really want a girl! Please be a girl. Do you ever really TRY for a girl? NO people! You hope that the baby is healthy no matter what! 

6. Are you going to try for a girl? 

No! We will be happy with whatever we are given! AGAIN it just needs to be healthy!! 

7. By the time they are all teenagers you're gonna have to get a job to feed them?

You don't think I need that now!? At all points in their lives they grow! Not just as teenagers! These boys eat half my groceries in two days! 

8. At least you won't have to pay for a wedding?

Ummm ok! I'm pretty sure you don't anything for free! You still have to pay for stuff!

9. You almost have enough for a baseball/basketball team?

Have you actually watched any sports game!? I only have 4 kids. That's not even close to being enough for a team. I kind of just want to smack those people that ask that upside the head! 

10. You're husband must be in son heaven?

Yes, he loves it just as much as I do! But he'd be in just as much heaven if it was all girls. Or if we had a mix! Either way all we or HE really wants is healthy and happy kids!! And we have those!! 

 

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Yes boys are wild, which is why my kids are nicknamed "The Wilds" or "Monsters"! But we love them the same! They know how to push my buttons but it's ok because I know how to use my breathing and counting exercises! Ha Ha! 

What If I Can't Enjoy Them All

It's that look I get from complete strangers when they see us with four boys. That, "oh wow you have four boys, enjoy every moment it goes so quickly," comes up & I just nod my head & smile. 

Here’s the thing: I do enjoy this. I do look forward to those snuggling moments. I was the mama rocking her newborn at 3:00am reminding myself to do that very thing: to memorize the ten tiny pounds on my chest, the entire hand that wrapped around my one finger. 

I pay attention to every single moment.  I am aware of the minutes that somehow turn into days, weeks & years, and I love those moments because they define our family.

What about those moments that are hard? What about those minutes you do not cherish and the days that are not precious? What do those criticizing strangers say about those?

Like this weekend when my 6 & 3 year olds would not listen, would not stop tattletaling & would not stop fighting. To top it off I was also dealing with my 2 year old who is STILL not sleeping which means mama ain't either. I had finally had enough when two of the three fought & pushed one into the innocent third one knocking him into the bed only to his head. I shut their doors, went into my room & I screamed ," I'm done with you, and promptly shut myself in our bedroom drinking my coffee until I regained my sanity.

Or when we were at Winco & they were fighting over who had to get in & who was holding the sides of the grocery cart, that they ran into the people in front of them, while I was getting something off a shelf, & we got that "take care of your out of control kids" look.

Or during a day that I had gotten 1 hour of sleep the night before & my nerves & anxiety had reach its capacity and I was confronted with two completely demanding toddlers and I screamed "Can’t you just go take care of yourself for awhile?!"

Or the time that my 6 year old put a hot wheels car in the microwave and pushed start. It started on the microwave on fire & he blamed it on his 4 year old brother. 15 minutes later he copped up to it & you wonder if all that talking about lying & truth telling even made a difference with him. 

What about those moments that are just hard? What do we do then? Is it really even feasible to enjoy those?

Those moments when you feel like a failure of a mother. When you feel like you did not love them nearly as much or you ignored their needs far to much. When your patience slipped, when your words made them tear up & run away. 

But here’s the thing about moments: they have this way of moving. They tick and they flash and they creep by. Every single one of them. These moments are going to happen whether we want them to or not, whether we are ready for them or not. Some are going to be easier to enjoy than others, some are going to sting more than others, some will be more precious than others.

We are trying so very hard to not miss these moments because in our heart of hearts we know that the advice is true: time does fly, moments do pass, we should enjoy these moments. We know that time works on its own schedule, speeding up when we want it to slow down and crawling by when we need it to fly.

But here’s the thing: we’re not going to enjoy every moment. We’re just not. Because being a mama is hard. It just is.

So to the exhausted mamas and the new ones and the barely surviving ones and the sick ones and the obsessive ones and the ones at the end of her rope and the ones surviving on caffeine, forget about trying to enjoy every moment. It will be one more thing you feel like is one of those building blocks of mothrhood. 

Here’s what you need to know instead: you already are a good mother. You love your kids fiercely, and that is what counts.

So what if we reframe the word enjoy? What if instead of trying to enjoy every single moment, we lean into them instead?  What if we learn from those rough patches & be strong. It is an act of bravery in affirming that you are more than the sum of your terrible minutes. It is an act of courage to dig deep into each and every moment even if there are a few thorns.

And so now, when I am confronted with the whining and the bickering and the exhaustion and the worry and the fears threatening to take over, I will look for something new. I will look for what I can embrace within the moment: the chocolate staining her cheek from when she snuck a bite of cookie, new words like appetizer and ridiculous that she tries on for size even though they completely don’t fit, the other one’s new favorite skill of climbing up the frame of the door frames or even just maybe try to laugh instead of cry at how terribly out of control the day has gone.

Because I want to know that I lived completely whole. I want to know that my boys are offered everything, whether it makes a mess or not. Even through these little years that can be so very exhausting. Even through moments that threaten my very sanity. Even then.

And so the next time someone tells you to enjoy this just as you are about ready to scream at somebody, simply smile and say “I will.” And then with every ounce of courage within you: don’t let the hard day win, look for one teeny tiny moment you can grasp within all the crying and screaming & just embrace motherhood and all it entails. 

I Believe

 

{ I BELIEVE } your family near and far, will be the ones you will fall back on for comfort. The quote that always hits home. This last year has been one of my toughest. I have been tested in every single one of my roles... As a mom, as a wife, & mostly as the person I always thought I'd be. My family has & always will continue to be there! 

{ I BELIEVE } that if you don't work for what you want, it won't fully be yours. Things are handed out to people so easily now. 12 year olds are getting cell phones... 15 year olds getting new trucks before their license. I love to hear stories from grandparents from their childhood about how hard they worked just to earn $1.00. I look up to the people who have earned everything they own. I grew up doing chores as a child & as soon as I could I got a job. I raised 3 steers & paid for my drill team in high school. I am so very thankful to my parents for installing in my head that working hard will get you what you want. I admire and look up to my dad more than he will ever realize. He is the true definition of a hard worker. He never stops, no matter what. We are raising the boys just the same. They have chores & if they listen the first time, they get what they want. 

{ I BELIEVE } there is a lesson to be learned in every trial we go through. I thought life was falling apart when Peyton was in that ambulance going to Primary Childrens. I honestly felt there was a chance I could lose my baby. Diabetes is not something to be messed with, it has a mind of its own. And every single second I spend with these boys of mine is priceless & should be cherished. I learned that this life with my family needs to be done with love and focus on them. Those messes I want to clean up every 5 minutes show that my boys are enjoying their childhood. They are little boys and they need to have fun. 

{ I BELIEVE } your spouse should always be your best friend. I don't remember this often enough right now. It's true when they say your spouse gets pushed away when kids come into the picture, and it's usually the husband. I'm guilty way to often of this. I'm tired, I need to sleep when they do, you would never survive 2 hours of sleep or the constant crying like I do. My attitude sometime is horrible towards him when he gets home. It's not fair, it's not his fault. He knows me inside & out. He is my best friend. I trust him with everything I know & love. He deserves the best. 

{ I BELIEVE } that God does not give us more than we can handle. He has perfect timing & I know this because we were able to stay with Peyton so much. The reasoning. My mom & dad were well on their way to moving to Southern Utah & starting a business and about a month or two before Peyton was born they were told they couldn't get the loan. At the time we as a family were so bummed. When Peyton was born I realized they were needed to stay with my kids & let me lean on them for 2.5 months. He knows what He's doing all the time! 

{ I BELIEVE } that if you don't take the time for yourself, you'll never be truly happy. 10 minutes a day on some personal development or a 30 minute workout does amazing things for my brain!! Working out is truly my therapy! It makes me feel good that I am accomplishing something! Everyone has to start somewhere. I let myself not care about my health for 4 years. I've now been working on keeping myself healthy & happy for 2 years and I'll never go back.

Friday Five: A Good Mom

...1...

A GOOD MOM 

KNOWS EXACTLY WHO SHE IS:

You aren’t JUST a mom. You are much more than that. A good moms knows the important role that she has in her family’s life. Believe in who you are and who you are becoming. 

...2...

A GOOD MOM 

HAS BAD DAYS: 

Those days that you sit in the chair, while utter chaos is happening, just waiting for the clock to hit bedtime. Those days that one thing happens after another and you think it’s a joke, that there are hidden cameras & microphones just waiting to punk you. Those days you just want to sit in a warm bath and never get out. Those days where you have no patience, disobedient children, screaming babies and a gigantic headache? — Good moms have bad days.

...3...

A GOOD MOM 

ISN’T PERFECT: 

Most important!  A good mom will make mistakes & there is nothing that you can do to stop it. A good mom will wonder “what in the world did I do wrong to have days like this!?" A good mom will be confused, frustrated, anxious and nervous. A good mom learns from her mistakes and tries to do better the next time. A good mom is only HUMAN. 

...4...

A GOOD MOM 

HAS GOOD DAYS: 

Because not every day can possibly be a bad day. You then have those days where it feels as if all the stars have aligned because EVERYTHING just goes your way. You wake up before the kids and have breakfast made, a workout done and the dishes put away. You jump from one activity to another, everyone is sharing & getting along, everyone is happy, everyone is fed and everyone is dressed. Nap time lasts a little longer than usual, quiet time is actually quiet time, and you wish every day was that good. 

— Good moms have good days too.

...5...

A GOOD MOM 

IS READY FOR BED: 

A good mom doesn’t necessarily always have a ton of energy. In most cases, a good mom is exhausted. She spends her day doing so much for other people, she is ready to hit the hay at 7pm. Don't burst her bubble. She deserves it! It's a demanding job. No days off. No sick days. Work 24/7/365. 

50 Things I Wish Someone Told Me In High School

1. Do not spend more than $9 on mascara. Walmart sells ones that work just fine.

2. It won’t matter later on that he was on a high school football team. His heart is all that matters. Will he love you forever!?

3. Your push-up bra is obvious & you really don't need it anyways.

4. The eyeliner is out of control. Fix that.

5. If he cheats on you, say goodbye...don't wait it out in hoping he'll change. He won't.

6. Stop Instagraming or Facebooking your life. Not everyone cares what you're doing or who you're doing it with. Just stop.

7. Don’t tell your mom you hate her; you will regret it. She will be your rock later in life.

8. Innocence is beautiful. Don't ever feel like it's not something to cherish.

9. Call your grandma just because, she appreciates it & you will love those memories.

10. Some people will never like you; don’t let it bother you. Life has so many other people that will walk in just wait for them. 

11. Kill them with kindness. It's the best weapon.

12. TPing/Rolling houses is all fun and games till it rains and you have to clean it up. It's not so fun. & it takes a long time! 

13. You were beautiful before he told you. You always have been & you always will be no matter what he says.

14. Don’t believe stereotypes. Get to know people personally instead of judging them. Always open that first page of their book.

15. Don’t let one mistake define you. Figure out what went wrong & move on.

16. But learn from your mistakes. & make sure you don't repeat them. There's only life to live! Make it count.

17. Eat home-cooked meals. You will miss it one day. Ramen noodles & Totinos pizza will probably be your breakfast lunch & dinner in college.

18. Your mom can see a fake friend before you can. So when she says don't hang out with her or I don't like how she/he treats you...just listen!

19. Your dad can see a crappy boy before you can & he will most likely try to tell you in the nicest way possible because he doesn't want to break your heart. Don't break his heart by ignoring him. We only need one broken heart.

20. Enjoy your metabolism while it lasts. Because when you have kids it goes away. But when it goes away & you can't lose the weight, find a healthy way to lose it, don't succumb to the fake life of Hollywood.

21. There is more to life than Friday night. Make Memories!  That Friday night will turn into a movie & popcorn with your favorite little humans who you gave life to!

22. If your parents buy you something, whether it’s a McDonald’s or an iPhone, say thank you. They love you & you love them, please appreciate everything they do for you!!

23. You are more beautiful than you will ever know. You will probably not believe that whenever your told but it's true. 

24. Prom is not the “best night of your life,” but go anyway. It will be one of your "best memories."

25. High school years are not the best years of your life. You will find that out when you have your very first baby! 

26. However, enjoy high school while it lasts, you will miss some of it. & some of the people will make a lasting influence on your life.

27. Bad times make you appreciate the good times.

28. It’s only a bad day, not a bad life. Don't make a decision based off a bad day, it could change the destination of your life.

29. Stop comparing yourself to others; that will never do any good. Only compare you to YOU & make tomorrow a better day. 

30. Learn to forgive. Also learn that not everyone deserves your trust. Again you have to open their book at least once.

31. Learn to apologize. You're not to good to "I'm Sorry"

32. He isn’t the love of your life. Your world may revolve around him now, but I promise you dear you will be fine without him.

33. Sex does not make you mature or an adult. It actually makes you more childish if you think you're ready before you truly are. 

34. Stop pretending to be someone you are not to impress people. BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU!

35. Keep a journal. You will love looking back on what happened 5 years ago.

36. You’ll regret spending $90 on that Abercrombie fur vest. Pay a bill. Act like an adult. Real Life.

37. Eat the dang doughnut. 5 lbs is just a myth I promise your butt won't grow because you ate a doughnut.

38. Love isn't something you just throw back and forth in the lost and found. It's something you JUST KNOW.

39. Pray for your future husband every once in a while. He is waiting & possibly praying for you too. 

40. Pray for your future kids too. They will be the best things in your life one day. 

41. Take those ACT prep classes seriously. They will save your life. 

42. Hug your grandpa every chance you get. He likes to know he's loved to!

43. Write thank you notes for everything. Appreciation goes far! 

44. Tell your favorite high school teacher she rocks. Again appreciation is everything. 

45. Nothing good happens past midnight. So GO HOME at curfew!

46. Put others before yourself. (There are exceptions)

47. Unless that person is an ex-boyfriend. You deserve happiness, stop worrying about him. He deserves nothing. 

48. If you love God, then you should love people.

49. Stop speeding; especially on turns. Also stop at stop signs. Do you like that heart dropped feeling. Avoid it & obey the rules. 

50. Enjoy life. It goes by faster than you think.

To all of the high school girls reading this–I hope you never forget that even though life sometimes stinks, you will have plenty of moments that make you forget about the hard times. You will have moments of laughter, joy, and thankfulness that compensate for the time you failed your math test or the boy broke your heart. Be willing to adventure through life, and go through the bad with a smile knowing the best is yet to come. Embrace your innocence and stop trying to grow up. You only get to be a kid once; so enjoy the end of the beginning while you can.

"One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.”– One Tree Hill

Being A Mommy

 When I was old enough to start babysitting kids, outside of my little brother & sister, I couldn't help but wonder what life would be like when I became a mommy.

I wondered how many I would have. I wondered if I would have a little dancer like her momma or a little boy who every time he came to me with owies to kiss I would be wrapped one more time around his pinky finger! 

My dreams of becoming a mommy weighed heavily after I met the man I knew I was destined to marry. Never did I picture being a step-mom. There is not a day that goes by, I regret that. I love him & can't picture our lives without him. 

The day I gave birth to Carter was the day my life truly started. I had never loved someone so much. He instantly made my heart melt, again & again with every new milestone. That first smile, the first coo & then it's that first time you hear the word mama. Nothing will top that. 

We continued to have babies...Wyatt... Peyton & life became wild & chaotic. It's hard to focus on just one little one when we have four.  You don't picture what life will really be like. You dream of motherhood, not being a mommy. Those are two different aspects of a mom. 

Motherhood is pictured as 8 hours of sleep, because your babies are perfect enough to sleep through the night first week home. A simple daily schedule of owning a clean & organized house all time. You must dress your littles in expensive clothes to keep up with fashion. Clean faces who behave at all times in all the places you go. Motherhood could quite possibly be the easiest job ever...

If it were ANYTHING like that. It's not!

Being a mommy, is wondering when the last time your greasy hair was washed? If that spot on your shirt or pants is adult food, baby food, dog snot or poop. I am lucky if I get 6 hours of sleep on a regular basis, because of a colicky baby & a 6 year old who has nightmares. I don't get to work out daily because my wilds climb on me while I'm planking & think it's because I'm a buckin bull. I am still carrying unecessary weight on my scarred stomach with which I gave birth by C-Section to those two littles. I am constantly hearing tattle tale rants & deciding on who farted or burped. 

These boys have completely run over me on days where I feel like I could give up at any moment. Those faces I kiss & hug every night with a goodnight have me at their every beckon call. I would do anything to make sure they feel loved & safe. On days when I, as a person, feel at my lowest Carter whispers in Wyatts ear " Tell Mommy She's Beautiful." They are my rocks. 

I will enjoy them as littles & treasure every moment I have with these little stinkers! 

Things I Learned Raising a Challenged Child

It has been a rough week for sleep here in the Mecham household.

This past weekend we went to Firth! I always get huge anxiety & panic attacks when we decide to go! Peyton hardly sleeps at home but you bring him out of his comfort zone & he freaks. Every single time we go I think this may be a good weekend....

This weekend was not the winning weekend! It was awful! All he does is cry & cling to my leg! 

You see, Peyt has never been one of those kids who could just roll with the punches. He has always been special to me, but sometimes I wonder if we all spoiled him a little to much.

I consider him my life lesson, because I’m pretty sure God had just a few things he wanted me to learn:

Lesson 1:  You are not in control

I can admit that I tend to be a bit of a control freak.  I like to be in charge, I like to have lists & plans! 

From day one, Peyt has flat-out refused to be confined to any sort of schedule, and believe me, it wasn’t for my lack of trying or the nurses! The only somewhat routine we EVER had was Primary Childrens. & that's because HE had to be! For the first two or three months of his life after we brought Peyton home, we tried desperately to get him into some sort of predictable routine, reading every single child baby book & blog we could. It just wasn’t to be.  I finally gave up and then started to realize that a lack of schedule meant a lot more flexibility.  I started to learn how to roll with the punches and just take it one minute or hour at a time! I stopped stressing out about the fact that he wasn’t napping when I thought he should or napping for as long as he should and started appreciating more the moments when he was peaceful & playing with his brothers!

Lesson 2. Attitude Is Everything

A mom sets the tone! I think what they meant by that is that if the mom is crabby or depressed or ornery, then every one else follows suit.  Over the years, we’ve had to remind each other every once in a while, but it is so true.

It would be easy for me to wallow in the fact that Peyt is, well, a challenge.

It would be easy for me to feel sorry for myself when I only end up getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep because he has kept us up all night.  Again.

It would be easy for me to get very irritable after spending the day listening to him yell. And scream. And cry.

[Almost] continuously.

All. Day. Long.

And I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I do wallow or feel sorry for myself or get irritable.

But I try not to.  Because it doesn’t help.  It makes things worse.  And really, truly, there are many people who have far worse problems then a miserable child.  I’ll survive.  And one we day we hope that he will grow out of it.

When I find myself up at 3am and unable to go back to sleep, I take the time for myself. Because I know at those points when I want my own time during the day, it's not happening!

Lesson 3.  Stuff really isn’t all that important.

I like nice things.  I like my house to be pretty and clean.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  Except when having nice things becomes the most important thing in my life.

Last week Peyton gave me a clear understanding of why my house will never be completely clean! He pushed off multiple bags of chips, goldfish, sugar, ya know EVERYTHING, off the table after I'd just deep cleaned the whole kitchen! 

Lesson 4. Relax!

When it comes to this little munchkin, I have learned not to sweat the small stuff.  In fact, my rule is thatif he's not choking, screaming, or in danger of drowning, I’ll probably just let him do whatever he's doing. 

He is that kid, the one that puts everything in his mouth, and for my own sanity,  I’ve simply learned to let it go.  He ate dog food constantly. Not just one or two pieces. Like handfuls. & lays down on his belly like a dog & drinks their water. The first ten or twenty times, it really bothered me and I did everything I could to stop him. Anytime he'd see me go in a different room out of sight of the kitchen he'd make a mad dash for the dog food container. I finally concluded there wasn’t much I could do about it.  So I stopped trying.  And eventually–thankfully–he got tired of it.  In his short life he has eaten gravel, dirt, sand, crayons, markers, day-old half-eaten chicken nuggets, beads, and probably a whole lot of other things I don’t even know about.  And you know what?  He's fine.

He is also the kid that empties every drawer, every cabinet, every box, every basket, every bookshelf every single day.  He can’t seem to help himself.  He will push chairs, stools, ladders, and anything else she can find to where he needs it in order to get to what he wants.  We have resorted to child-proofing the house as much as possible and then letting the chips fall where they may.

5.  At the end of the day, love is all that matters.

I continue to be amazed at the infinite capacity of my love for my kids.  Even when they drive me absolutely crazy, I love them more than I could’ve ever thought possible.  They are the reason I get up in the morning. No matter how naughty, how annoying, how infuriating, how frustrating, they are mine and I would move heaven and earth for them.

Peyt is a challenging kid, but he also has many redeeming qualities.  He is funny, adorable, charming, sweet, loving, smart, beautiful, sensitive, goofy, strong, inquisitive, observant, loyal, just to name a few.  But even if he wasn’t any of those, I would still love him more than life itself.

And honestly, I don’t think I could’ve possibly understood God’s love for me, a hopeless screw-up, until I had him.

Because as much as I love him, God’s love for me is even greater & He entrusted me with such an amazingly special little boy it's amazing! 

It makes sense now.

And yet it doesn’t.

I’ve probably got a few more lessons yet to learn.